b.........

alk3thursday @ 2008-04-27T03:17:00

2008-04-27T07:45:09Z

the past couple months have been crazy. i once again pledged kappa delta phi only this time i made it through. i think it must be in my top 3 hardest things i've ever had to do. it was worth it though. my college life has become so much better. much more chaotic and crazy but awesome. i have learned that i cannot sit still. i find that i have a need to be moving or doing something at all times. progression. its all about progression. the fraternity, on top of my normal social/school life keeps me on my feet. i have also mastered drinking on school nights. i dont know why i never did it before.
yesterday me and eric went to the city. it was a really nice change of pace for once. i really like the city, especially trips where its just me and another person. it was a really enjoyable trip for some reason.
today i was in the studio for 11 hours. im still not near completion with my project but i got a significant amount of work done. im really happy with the way that my recent artwork has been coming out. i feel like im improving so much and it makes me feel confident about changing my major. i decided that new paltz is not the place for photo and that i should just come out of my denial and major in art education. being a teacher is just so... typical. its hard to swallow but at the end of the day i know its really what i want to do.
somethings i've been noticing alot lately is the fact that alot of people really dont appreciate art. i mean i know its not one of the most important things in the world but it really makes you think about how different people can be. some people just plain dont get it.
next semester we got a six person suite in deyo. im really looking foward to it. i feel like next semester is going to be really awesome. my schedule is really good and my living situation is going to be alot of fun. what better than having 5 of your friends live with you? as far as summer is concerned, its going to be weird. i dont really want to go home. all i really wanna do is work alot of make some money. for some reason when im on long island i feel so stagnant. maybe i'll get more than 1 job so i keep busy. i was even contemplating taking a summer class. well theres only 3 more weeks of new paltz year one and i have to say it was overall a really good year. there were its ups and downs but i really am happy here.

alk3thursday @ 2007-12-11T19:48:00

2007-12-12T01:06:41Z

this semester flew by. i only have 2 more finals and im done here untill january 20th. it feels like its still augest to me besides the fact that there is snow on the ground. it was a good couple of months though. i have learned more in these past few months than i have ever. and not about academics. pledging was quite the experience. i have been going to the house a lot lately and i feel like they get the vibe im rushing them again. idk what to do because they want me and a few of my friends to but i dont know if im prepared for that again. i am taking 18 credits next semester so i will have little time for anything as it is. i have always had trouble making decisions like these. i do want to pledge and i dont at the same time. ahhh idk. all i really wanna do is snowboard and not worry about shit. me, eric, kris and colin were supposed to go yesterday but it rained on the mountain and it was too icy. def a bummer. fike and kenny are coming up next week to go to albany and then snowboarding. i think im going to go with them. the only problem is i have a final the very next day. i might just screw it and go.
im also going to see brand new and thrice on saturday. im stoked for that. toms coming up the night before so that should be a good time. we're driving to albany for that also. im bringing tom, ben quick, and i think maddie.

its funny writing about all of these new people from school. its nice a reasureing how i have become so close to so many people in the past 5 months. i know that i can survive anywhere now. i have met many amazing people here and i have so many amazing people at home. i like knowing a lot of people. i have also learned that it is better to build bridges than to burn them. kinda out of the blue but its true. so much drama weather its up here or at home but ive learned to stay out of it. i hate when people fight. everyone needs to learn to see the good in people and not the bad. everyone has flaws but we have to look above them.

alk3thursday @ 2007-10-14T15:57:00

2007-10-14T20:06:03Z

last night i decided to drop from pledging. it was actually pretty impuslive of me. I really was looking foward to becoming a brother but i feel like i rushed getting into it. its a 4 year commitment and being my first semester here i want some more time to get comfortable first. it was quite the experience. They were actually really cool about the whole thing. alot better than what i had expected. im definitely still considering pledging next semester. its just there is so much i want to do right now and it was consuming my life. idk
on another note i just got the new thrice and radiohead cd's. im stoked for those.
im going home on thursday for the wedding and im really looking forward to seeing everybody. especially meredith who i have not seen in almost three months

alk3thursday @ 2007-09-27T21:24:00

2007-09-28T01:22:36Z

i fucking love college

alk3thursday @ 2007-07-10T23:07:00

2007-07-11T03:15:54Z

i just bought 3 new cds but all i want to listen to is brand new. im not in the mood for new tonight. everybody lately has been getting along. you people have no idea how happy that makes me feel. i like when everybody gets along. life is short. summer has been going good. i have a really good feeling about new paltz. i think im going to give it my all this time. not like RIT. i have learned alot since then. everybody keeps saying that they think im going to hate it. i cant wait till i can proove them wrong. im a little worried about my roomate but im actually not as overly concerned as i make it out to be. it is a gamble though. this summer is flying by. its already half way through. i like the way things are going right now. i feel like at work things are going to get better. i had everyone over from work the other night. all of the people that i havnt hung out with ouside of work in a long time. it was nice and refreshing. i like these people and i have felt very distant from them.

alk3thursday @ 2007-06-11T18:36:00

2007-06-11T22:46:18Z

i have a new outlook on life. that is to stop worrying about stupid stuff. i was never really an uptight person to being with but i find its much easier to just not let stupid stuff get to you. my mind this summer is really set on not giving a shit. i have minimal responsibility at this point in my life and ih ave no desire to change that. im 19 years young and i want to live it up. most stupid things that i would let get to me in the long run dont really even matter. ive decided theres no sense on getting upset of uptight about things that arent significant. i truely believe that everything happens for a reason. im tired of changing for people. especially at work. i feel like being myself there i am shunned upon by certain individuals. fuck that. i dont like when people think their better than other people. everyone has different lifestyles and priorities. i dont find that solid enough of a foundation to judge upon. I definitely have a well established idea of who the important people in my life are. im tired of trying to keep relationships with people who do not do the same in return. friendlys has been becoming like more of a warzone than anything else. i'm so over it. its so cliquey that it makes me sick. yeah i know who my friends are but in the work setting i alwayas felt that i was friends with everyone. recently i cannot say that i feel the same way. so many people dont get along anymore. everyone just needs to chill and reailize what is important in life. its the fucking summer of 07'. most of us have work as our only responsibility, so we should all act like it.
im going skydiving on thursday at 1pm. i have no fear what so ever. i plan on getting a tat soon. i just cant decide.

im excited about new paltz but im in no hurry to go away. im glad its summer and i dont want to rush through it.

alk3thursday @ 2007-03-21T01:26:00

2007-03-21T05:40:05Z

Im at a good place now. I feel like lately i have been learning a lot about myself and all of my friends. I have some great people in my life. I am at the point where i can surround myself with the people i so choose to be with. This isnt high school anymore and my people really are my people. I have looked back and today I reailized i have a good amount of keepers in my life. There are a few people that i dont see as often as i would like though. I can see a few relationships beginning to fade away while a select few are solidifying. These are the people that are important.
Im going to florida in a couple of days with some great people. Although im looking foward to it its becoming very stressful to plan. I hate planning and i want to just go and not worry about it before hand. i guess with 9 people its hard to do though.
I have been accepted once again to new paltz. this time im going. I cannot explain how much i am looking foward to this. This past year has tought me more than any other year in my life. I know i will be happy there but my ambitions are still so much greater. I know that i need to get out of new york. I have always had this feeling that I was created for some big purpose. i need to do something bigger and better. theres a whole world to see while i will remain in the same 100 mile radius. I know i need to do bigger better things with my life. i guess its one step at a time. lately i have the feeling that im moving too slow. I want to do so many things i feel that suffolk is a waste of my time in so many ways.

alk3thursday @ 2007-01-04T18:17:00

2007-01-04T22:17:52Z

i was rejected by the university of delaware today. its actually pretty ironic because last night i thought to myself that maybe that wasnt the right choice either. i guess fate (and mediocore grades) stepped in to make the choice for me. i applied to new paltz again. now i only hope to get into there for next fall because for all of these years thats where i always wanted to go and i was too stupid to realize that in the first place. im going to suffolk tomorrow to register for classes. never thought id be doing that. im not upset about this really at all. i grew out of my depression and i have a new way of looking at things. lifes pretty alright

alk3thursday @ 2006-12-27T17:21:00

2006-12-27T21:21:42Z

all that i wanted for chrismas was to get into Udel. its 2 days after christmas and i still have not heard anything. i keep calling but the office is closed. god i really wanna go. i dont think ive wanted something this bad in my life. i had a revolation the other day about my life and how i do things i dont want to. why would i do that? im going to quit applebees because i hate it and i miss friendlys. im going to go to college to study what I want to and not what i think will make me money. theres always a masters degree for that. i really wish i could go to an art school but they're too much money and thats just not an option. i really like delaware though. if i dont get in i dont want to go to suffolk. i want to travel a little. go visit some family in other states. Im 19 fucking years old and im sitting at home not doing anything. i need to get out there. i wish i had an answer from del so i could plan my next few months.
well i had a really good night last night. i got to see alot of people who i dont usually see and meredith tom and kenny were homef rom school. i recorded some of the night with my new camera and after watching it today i realize that i look like an idiot and i should not record myself anymore cause i look dumb. lol why are people friends with me? well im highly caffinated again today. god how did i get back to this point. i have work at friendlys tonight and its gonna be fun cause alot of college kids are home and working. i hope i make good money cause im gonna quit applebees and be broke.

alk3thursday @ 2006-11-13T05:24:00

2006-11-13T09:24:06Z

life is crazy.
i have gone through so many changes in the past 2 months it is crazy. i just decided 2 minutes ago that i love my life. that could all change by tomorrow but the perscriptions seem to be helping that. i know some of the greatest people in the world. no matter what shit i go through i am always reminded of that. i love my job so much. i have been through so much with so many of the people there that i feel like now i have established a solid relationship with the my work environment. I want to go away to college so bad. I am waiting to hear from delaware university. I cant fucking believe i dont attend RIT. it still haunts my mind how i just got up and left. i guess ill never know if it was the right thing to do or not. Its time to move on though. its sad to know that my depression consumed all of this time but i think im finally getting above it. people are so different. i always wonder if peoples minds work the same but i know they cant. i wish someone could live my life and tell me if its the same. you think you know but you have noooooo idea. what even happened??? nothing. its fucked up i know. i need to change. i am really happy where i am at today but i know it need to change this. not so much happy as much as coming to terms with. i need to join the gym again. i used to be so motivated. im getting that back. you ever listen to a song that brings back a time period in your mind. im listening to a bright eyes song and it brings back so many memories. so much has fucking changed!!! i miss a few people right now. its not just the college thing its more than that.
im starting training at applebees tomorrow. i dont know how i feel about it. i dont really like the applebees scene but i know in the eyes of employers its a step up. i love waiting tables so i think it will help me get jobs in the future. more experience. the only thing is i hate doing things by the book. i want to move to the city and wait tables somewhere cool. ill have to talk to kenny about next summer.

alk3thursday @ 2006-10-06T05:53:00

2006-10-06T04:54:11Z

9 lasts

-last place you were:
ruby tuesdays with mo and john then driving around with nicole and jim

-last cigarette:
hmm sometime last summer

-last beverage:
water. i drink a lot of water

-last kiss:
yesterday

-last movie seen:
silent hill.. and it wasnt bad

Last phone call:
fike.... he calls me every 3 seconds

-last cd played:
radiohead - i think OK computer

-last bubble bath:
probably last time i was really sick...

-last time you cried?
couple weeks ago

--------------------------------------------------------------------
8 have you evers

-have you ever dated someone twice:
lol no

-have you ever been cheated on:
not officially

-have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it?
lol story of my life.. haha not really

-have you ever lost someone:
yes and i think about them alot actually

-have you ever been depressed:
manic. worst

-have you ever been drunk and thrown up:
never actually
-----------------------------------------------------------

7 states youve been to:

1. NY
2. Florida
3. colorado
4. Pennsylvania
5. connecticut
6. vermont
7. New Jersey
-------------------------------------------
6 things you've done today.

1. ran some errands
2. hung out with murph
3. picked up dinner
4. went out to dinner
5. got sick
6. computed

---------------------------------------------------------------
5 favorite things

1. food
2. friends
3. family
4. music
5. road trips
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 people you tell pretty much anything to

1. kenny
2. nicole
3. lisa
4. tom
------------------------------------------------------------
3 favorite colors

1. green
2.
3.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 things you want to do before you die

1. travel
2. get married and have kids

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 thing you regret.

1. so many regrets. RIT the most current

alk3thursday @ 2006-10-06T04:27:00

2006-10-06T04:37:24Z

ive been reading the past couple entries and its really weird. I honestly think i am bi-polar or manic or something. I was so low for the past couple weeks but now all of a sudden im happy again. Im at home and im bored 90% of the time but im not miserable anymore.
I got some of my college shit straightened out. I'll be at suffolk for the spring semester and then its to new paltz for the fall of 07'. after staying with kristyn for a night there i know that its where im supposed to be.
Its weird that im making plans for the year 2007. for some reason it feels liek the whole millenium 2000 thing was yesterday. Time flies yet it goes so slow.
I've been working at friendlys again. Im trying to make as much money as i can while i dont have anything else going on but theyre not giving me enough hours. this week i got 3 shifts.
for the time being its okay though cause im gonig away pretty much every weekend this month. next weekend me and fike are going to penn state to see tom. Its gonna be a good time. the weekend following that Im going to fly down to clemson to see meredith. I miss the girl like crazy its gonna be good to see her.
i miss everybody i wish it was summer. I can honestly say that this past summer was probably the best time in my life. Now that everybodys away its kinda hard but i still got some and im gonna make the best of it

alk3thursday @ 2006-09-16T20:03:00

2006-09-17T00:19:38Z

its funny how when you finally think that everything in your life is set straight, it all falls apart.
I havnt felt this low in a really long time. I dont know what im going to do with my life and i feel so shitty for putting everybody through evertyhing the past few weeks. I fucked up so bad and its embarrassing
i never ever would have thought i would be in this position. i thought i had everything figured out.
I cant even remember the last time i cried but its the only thing i feel like doing when i think about what is going on.
i didnt want to end up here.

alk3thursday @ 2006-08-31T00:16:00

2006-08-31T04:21:09Z

summers over. it is 50 degrees here and i am about to slit my wrists. not really but its cold.
im actually very suprized with my dorm situation. the buildings are really nice inside and we have carpets and everything. my rooms at the end of the hall right by the stairs and bathroom so our rooms alot bigger and different from the other rooms.
this weeks has been kinda boring. we dont start classes untill monday so its just basicially you hang out in an orientation group all day and then you just hang around all night. its only freshman here now so there are no parties and it kinda sucks. people are friendly here but ive only met a few people that i can actually hold a conversation with. nobodys from long island so its hard. i just really want classes to start so that i have something to do. hopefully by the end of the week when all the upperclassmen get here there will be some parties so i can get out of here and meet some cool people. tomorrow i dont have to get up untill 12 so thats pretty sweet. im gonna go watch a movie or something

alk3thursday @ 2006-07-17T00:40:00

2006-07-17T04:43:25Z

i hate when people drink so much that they lose control of themselves. its really fucking annoying when you are forced to be responsible for someone. why cant you just grow the fuck up and take care of yourself.

alk3thursday @ 2006-07-02T13:01:00

2006-07-02T17:19:04Z

for all the people going upstate or away for school. just putting this out there
RIT to longwood high school : 6 hours 49 minutes
RIT to penn state : 4 hours 1 minute
RIT to oswego : 1 hour 48 minutes
RIT to fredonia : 1 hour 54 minutes
RIT to NYC : 5 hours 36 minutes
RIT to binghamton: 2 hours 38 minutes
RIT to clemson SC : 13 hours 47 minutes
RIT to oneonta: 3 hours 26 minutes
RIT to albany : 3 hours 37 minutes

on my ride home i pass through syracuse binghamton courtland and of course NYC. if i go the long way around i pass through albany and all that good eastern NY crap. carpool next year anyone?

alk3thursday @ 2006-06-25T23:36:00

2006-06-26T03:53:59Z

it finally just hit me sitting here on the computer.
i have graduated from high school.
i never really thought i would be sad and i wasnt untill now. it didnt even hit me at graduation. its all over.
i was never even that school spirited or anything and for a few years i hated high school its just sad knowing i will never have the chance to go back.
12th grade was amazing but i really wish i could go back and change alot of the things i did the other 3 years. i was a dumb kid and i made dumb descisions.
I guess its just growing up though. Its scary how fast time flew by but when i think back to how things were, going into 9th grade, i have changed so much. I really did grow up alot.
I have met so many great people in that building. I dont want to lose touch with these people but i know that realistically i will lose a good number of them.
There has been so many good times and there has been so many bad times. people have come and gone and came back and stuck and left.
the classes slogan is "wouldnt change a thing". at first i thought of how much i disagreed with this statement. that i would have changed everything. I would have but i dont think things would be the same. If i didntmake the choices that i did i would not be where i am now. and its a good place.
its finally over

peace out 2006

alk3thursday @ 2006-02-19T00:38:00

2006-02-19T05:38:09Z

so i got accepted to RIT. im actually really excited. i kinda got the whole possiblity out of my mind because i didnt think i had a chance and now that i got in im starting to want to go there again. its so much money though. its an obnoxious amount.
i was accepted into the biomedical photographic communications program. what this is is basicially photography for scientific purposes. its a really small program (80 kids) out of a school of 15,000, and i keep readin everywhere that you can pretty much take that major into many different directions. you can anywhere with that degree. you can get really scientific with it, become a crime scene photographer, take a more artistic perspective, or you could even go into commerical advertising. i was a little skeptical about the whole bio aspect of it though. i like science alot but bio was my least favorite in high school. im a chemistry kinda man. the program i would be going into really isnt that intensive on just plain bio. its just classes that are a mix of bio and photo and a couple science electives. this could quite possibly be the perfect major for myself.
the school looks really nice. ill be visiting in april to scope it out first hand. they got a dorm for just photo kids with private darkrooms and everything. all the buildings are connected underground because they get alot of snow in rochester.
i dont know. everything seems so appealing about this school. i just wish it wasnt 30,000 dollars a fucking year

alk3thursday @ 2006-01-21T14:39:00

2006-01-21T19:37:00Z

what ever happened to friday nights?

remember when you used to be able to call all your friends and they would come over even though there was nothing to do. hanging out together was enough.

weird

alk3thursday @ 2005-10-26T00:32:00

2005-10-26T04:33:08Z

new thrice is excellent....

why doesnt anybody els like it???

alk3thursday @ 2005-10-21T23:27:00

2005-10-22T03:33:04Z

friendlys is going great.
its actually a really fun job and im glad i got it. tonight i was serving by myself. i had a section of only 2 tables because im new, but i made 70 dollars. you usually get like 5 tables so ill be making even more once i get more experience. its really easy though and the people that work there are all awesome.
my only complaint is that i still have to work ice cream some night too. if i work 5 nights i will probably only get like 2 serving. its not too bad though its really good money.

its friday night at 11:30 and im sitting at the computer.
im gonna go find someone and go out.

alk3thursday @ 2005-09-29T22:44:00

2005-09-30T02:49:25Z

i think i finally got my whole job situation set.
i talked to my manager sue today at friendlys and asked how long it would take before i could be a server. i was suprized by an answer of "about around a month". This is really good news because i hate the whole ice cream scooping crap. i thought i would have to do it for alot longer.
i got out of work a little early so i ran up to michelangelos to talk with paul and joe. apparantly joe's not even planning on leaving michelangelos so i had no hours to gain there in the first place. i told paul that if i ever get put on the schedule for fridays at friedlys, than ill just get shane or joe to work for me and then work their hours one day.
it actually seems like it will work out fine. joe was cool with the idea. pauls a little pissed at me though because of the whole fact that i went out and got another job when i told him at the beginning of the summer i didnt want to work. the man will never understand.
now i can finally sleep without sitting up thinking about what i should do. i got all the information i needed and hopefully this will all run smoothly

alk3thursday @ 2005-09-26T22:39:00

2005-09-27T02:51:33Z

im in a bad situation.
i went into michelangelos tonight to get some food, and i was very tempted to work there again. Jon and tom think that i could get joe to quit and give me his hours. This seems like a much brighter alternative than this new job i got at friendlys. i mean friendlys isnt bad but what i wanted to do there, i am not doing. i dont really like the whole ice cream thing and they dont pay good. but on the other hand if i say there longer i probably could become a server at some point and then i will have experience so i can move on to some other resturaunts in the future. idk what to do. i make alot of money at micelangelos, but then again i used to hate it. thats why i gave away my hours in the first place. I guess id dint reailize how good a job it was untill i worked others.
im fucked.
im extremely indecisive about everything lately and it seems i always make the wrong decision.
i dont want to quit a job but i need a good job. haha idk
i kinda hope joe doesnt leave mikes so i dont even have a choice.

by the way my sleep schedule is really messed up. i got more sleep today directly after school than i did the night before. could this be because of my lack of the caffiene found in coffee which i crave for daily???? we'll find out. for the most part ive been clean for a week. fell off track a few times but im getting there.

the road to recovery is bright

p.s. new coheed and cambria is fucking amazing

alk3thursday @ 2005-09-21T19:00:00

2005-09-21T23:05:40Z

Yesterday i was working at whitmans and it occured to me that that job is really shitty and i hate being there more than anything so i was thinking of places i could work at. i have been planning on working at applebees as soon as i became 18 because you make alot of money waiting tables. but then it occured to me that i can wait tables at other places at age 17. so i went on down to friendleys and got myself a job. weirdest thing ever becuse it all happened so fast and out of nowhere. i have to start out making ice cream :( which i am not looking foward to, but you have to work your way up to become a server so i guess i have to start at the bottom. it sucks but i need money that bad. idk how i feel about the whole friendleys thing actually. i guess it will be fun to work with people my age rather than people over 65 for a change. i will be making less money an hour though but whitmans isnt worth it. i plan on being overly friendley and getting promoted asap. well see what happens. i start tomorrow at 6

alk3thursday @ 2005-09-08T21:57:00

2005-09-09T02:18:14Z

i like school alot this year although i have a whole lot of work i have to do. i have about an hour of psychology homework every night. its not too cool but its actually interesting. some parts anyway. I got a really bad english class though. i originally had film+tv in which you sit around and watch movies and do close to nothing, but when they switched my schedule around they gave me what they call "college transitions". it turns out its an essay writing class. Not gonna fly. i hate writing. i can read like a mofo but writing is a different story. i know i will have to in college, but i already know how to write essays and i dont want to spend my last year at high school writing them. fuck essays.
this week ive been going to school then stright to working at whitmans. it kinda sucks. i wake up at 6:00am and dont get home untill 5:30 pm. its rough doing that every day especially when its really nice outside. then i end up falling asleep around 8 which isnt good.
welcom back to school